16 Gigantic Red Flags Of An Unhealthy Relationship
Isn’t it fascinating how much we choose not to see in a new relationship? When we meet someone who could be “the one”, our attraction and passion can get in the way of being objective about that person.
Let’s face the facts. If this individual is going to be a candidate for sharing your future, you will be doing yourself a disservice if you avoid at least some scrutiny.
We’re not talking about being paranoid to the point of sabotage. Nor do we suggest hiring a private investigator to dig up every possible problem regarding your love interest. Taking such actions can backfire and keep you from finding happiness. After all, everyone makes mistakes.
Learning about someone organically is part of a blossoming relationship. The strongest bonds often come from natural discoveries resulting from being straightforward with each other.
Nonetheless, there are things to be aware of as your connection grows. These “red flags” can help you assess the potential for a good relationship. They are appropriate subjects to address during your time together before it’s too late.
1. Humiliation
The act of degrading someone else is cruel and selfish. If this trait is expressed subtly in public, it is a decent indication of how things are really going in private. Examples might be making a remark about clothing choice or using incorrect grammar.
To laugh and reprimand in a disrespectful manner, instead of respectfully making the observation, is not okay. The urge to bring out imperfections in front of others is an act of humiliation and control. This is true even if your partner says something like, “just kidding.”
2. Disrespect
The relationship is usually finished when you encounter actual scorn or disdain from your partner. If at all feasible, aim for a peaceful conclusion at that time and wrap it up.
For example, if your partner rolls their eyes while you’re speaking or providing information, it’s an obvious lack of regard for your opinion. This symptom of a dysfunctional dynamic is one of the simplest and most dependable techniques to determine whether or not your relationship will endure.
3. Compromise
Is it easy to compromise and come to terms on matters with your lover? To refuse or be unwilling to compromise is a huge warning sign. Compromise is a strong predictor of relationship satisfaction, and it is crucial to the long-term success of partnerships and marriages.
Most couples recognize the value of this quality. So, it’s a big deal if your partner solely thinks about themselves and how vital it is for them to be correct. That either suggests they aren’t considering how significant this is to you or, worse, they don’t care.
Obsessing over being right, rather than listening to the other’s needs, leads to anger and a power imbalance in which one person caters to the other.
4. Fighting
The way your partner cycles through arguments can be another red flag. Do they continually create tension, have major outbursts, and then have a “let’s make up” phase? That is a difficult cycle to break and can lead to physical abuse.
When you clash over trivial matters such as where to have dinner, you’re likely to have serious problems regarding big things like purchasing a house and raising children.
If you can’t be completely free to say what you believe or feel, you should leave. Partnerships are relationships. If you don’t support each other equally, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and suffering.
5. Control
Micro-managing the actions of another person indicates a potential issue. If your partner continuously interrupts or corrects you, pay attention to the frequency and tone of such behavior.
Everyone deserves to be heard and validated in a respectful and loving way. Needless to say, passive aggression and gaslighting are enormous red flags.
6. Separation
Breaking up or separating without a strategy will only teach you how to exist outside of the relationship. It doesn’t work if you end up getting back together because you miss them. Mature adults know how to start and end relationships in a healthy way.
Be candid about what happens next. Can you remain friends? Do you avoid each other? Do you meet for lunch in six weeks to talk about how you’re feeling? Make a plan and stick to it.
7. Commitment
Just about every relationship can be saved with appropriate communication, as long as there is no abuse and the love is still there. Of course, all sides must be willing to make the effort.
Someone who refuses to work on a relationship is not inevitably the villain. It’s also possible to determine, out of compassion and even love, that you and your partner are just in different places in life. You may have have competing ideals or are simply not compatible.
Deciding to let go can be a kind gesture. However, when both sides are devoted to repairing a relationship, many problems can be resolved.
If your relationship is abusive, avoid couples counseling. It is ineffective and will likely not work. If you divulge the truth, you will give the other person the means and vocabulary to make you feel even worse. There may be severe repercussions at home. If you know or suspect abuse is in your relationship, go by yourself.
8. Flexibility
A common flag is when one person digs their feet in and refuses to accept recommendations, then says that they’re trying. Has your partner been encouraged to reconsider what they are willing to do? Are they willing to do it?
9. Consent
Sexual consent is a continuing, affirmative agreement between two or more individuals who are sober, intellectually and legally capable of consenting, and are not subjected to any form of pressure or duress. This agreement is for certain acts to be taken at a specific time and location. If someone wishes to do anything unusual or extra, they must first get permission from the other party.
Does your partner agree to the above definition of consent? If not, chalk it up to a red flag.
10. Affection
When their feelings are hurt, does this person withhold affection to let you see how it feels? Do they use their affection as a tool or bribe to make other things happen or to manipulate you? Call those actions out immediately.
11. Perfection
When an individual or couple acts like everything is fine, it’s a red flag. Even in the strongest relationships, almost everything is not okay. One of the most widely held assumptions is that perfect partnerships exist. Nobody is perfect.
12. Boundaries
Does your partner closely monitor your tasks because they care about you and want you to know how to perform them correctly? Do they criticize and ridicule you because they care about you and want you to recognize how ridiculous you are?
Because they love you and don’t trust you to do things correctly, they’re bossy and refuse to let you do things for yourself. They break every rule you make because they would do anything for the ones they care about.
Doing this isn’t a badge of honor or loyalty. A lack of appropriate boundaries is likely to blame. Don’t let anyone justify inappropriate behavior because they say they love you.
13. Responsibility
Another red flag is when one person wants to quit provoking the other’s negative behavior. This can occur when one partner is confrontational and the other tries to accommodate it.
If the person being targeted accepts responsibility for the hostility but the aggressive partner does not, the targeted person should consider either leaving or creating limitations.
14. Addiction
Real issues can arise with someone who has a history of chronic substance addiction. This can be compounded if they are hesitant to divulge their usage patterns and/or they consume more than they say or intend to.
This category applies to all kinds of vices. Whether it’s pornography, thrill-seeking, or whatever, addictive personalities tend to take their interests to the extreme and at the expense of their most important relationships.
This isn’t to say that somebody with challenges in their past isn’t a wonderful person. Rather, these are signs which might indicate a risk of ongoing problems. They are very much worth addressing or avoiding if you’re not in a position to work through them.
15. Therapy
Sometimes, a person who is in individual counseling and begins to get better and their partner is unappreciative of the improvements. They may attempt to persuade their partner to discontinue therapy in order to maintain the previous unhealthy nature of the relationship.
If the person who isn’t in treatment isn’t eager to change for the better, the relationship was not built on a solid foundation and is unlikely to work out.
Additionally, when one side is still hyper-focused on the details of a problem rather than moving forward, this can indicate major control concerns.
16. Isolation
Look out for those who discourage you from spending time with friends, family, or other loved ones. See if they attempt to reward you for not seeing or talking to them. Abusive people frequently use isolation as a strategy.
Be wary of anyone who attempts to dictate where you go, who you see, or what you do in general. Restriction is not part of a partnership founded on mutual respect and trust.
Other Flags
Additional red flags include symbiotic relationships, codependency, narcissism, and pushing you to make major life decisions. Learn more about these behaviors to determine if they are infecting your relationship.
As you grow closer to your partner, allow yourself permission to think with both your heart and your mind. Let any red flags induce honest conversation for a transparent and healthy relationship!
Everyone deserves relationships free from domestic violence. If you or someone you know is suffering from abuse, help is available. When you’re ready, The National Domestic Violence Hotline is here to listen with confidential support 24/7/365.
